One of my braves was an outcome of a course assignment. There was a requirement to get a piece of writing edited by a professional. This was something I would not have chosen to do in this lifetime and was far outside my comfort zone. Anyone who knows me knows I love to talk about ideas, see patterns, and make connections. I am most definitely not known as the queen of writing conventions. So when driving to the appointment to meet with the esteemed editor, I had a knot in my stomach. My mind would only focus on the incredible contrast between her strengths and the things in writing which were a struggle for me. My fears and heart palpitations would have led you to believe that there was a bengal tiger waiting for me at the other end of the coffee shop, when actually it was a lovely professional woman with a gentle guiding demeanor.
In that first meeting, I would never have believed what an incredible gift this woman was to my life and how we came to value each other’s talents. The relationship grew because this editor chose to leave judgment at the door. She made it clear that she loved to work with my ideas. Together, we discovered an unconventional relationship that supported my need to talk out loud, shape ideas, and work to put them into a conventional form. I remain eternally grateful that despite my fears, I overcame my initial urge to cancel the meeting, and decided to show up for what turned out to be a life changing relationship.
I can look back now at my initial brave and giggle and laugh. Reflecting back to that time, I guarantee, I could not have handled anyone minimizing or laughing at my fears. If writing conventions were your strength, the level of fear I was experiencing might have made it easy for you to ridicule me. Our experiences with our own fear help us have compassion for others as they walk through theirs. Compassion walks with bravery. Only the person who has moved through the fear has the right to tell the story, which may eventually include laughter.
How Do We Define Brave or Better Yet How Do We Redefine Brave?
Bravery is often associated with fighting, conflict and war. Paradoxically, a quiet, unseen bravery can be found in those who are willing to experience disequilibrium, conflict or fear within themselves. The bravery that inspires me is the bravery I see when a person is willing to be uncertain, question their thinking, or take tentative steps in a new direction for the first time.
Brave is different for each of us. You are brave when you take action despite feeling anxious, uncertain, or fearful. When you are not sure of what to do, or exactly how to do it, or what the outcome will be, and choose to take action anyway, you are brave. Each time you navigate new territory within yourself and the world, you are different. You are the one who defines your brave.
How do I grow my brave?
Our mind has created pathways that help us live efficiently and multi-task. We can get dressed while listening to the news, and simultaneously prioritizing tasks for the day. We don’t have to stop listening to the news to think carefully about how to put on our pants.
For some people, just starting to practice disrupting the automatic, efficient patterns serves as a warm up. For example, going through a store backwards (don’t forget your list), choosing to take a walk in the middle of a busy work day, or driving alternative routes while doing errands. The more you practice, you expand your tolerance for difference, uncertainty, and unpredictability. Significantly changing routines supports you in being increasingly present and aware.
Most people like to begin practicing with an internal process that is private. Consider trying this. Walk into situations as a witness. Collect only the facts and details in your mind. Avoid stories, opinions, judgments or assumptions. Put guardrails up in your mind so you don’t link ideas, motives, or judge character or appearance. This isn’t as easy as it sounds. Simply notice the world around you and discipline your mind to record the facts without writing a story or assuming a motive. Even this internal, private process requires bravery.
Another possibility involves becoming more public with your thinking and potential change process. You might find yourself exclaiming “Oh, that was so stupid of me!”, and then pause, turn to the people around you and say “I wish I hadn’t said that. I’m trying to change the way I think and speak about myself.” And then say “I’m trying not to voice that in the world about myself or anyone else.” I can guarantee you, this will likely take a bit of courage the first time. It gets significantly easier with practice.
When we choose to live in discovery we honor that we can grow and evolve in any situation. Adaptability and flexibility support us as we face challenges and change throughout our lives. Bravery helps us take steps out of our comfort zone, explore and discover more about ourselves. Bravery supports each of us as we step further towards our possibilities and potential.