How to identify the logs of your logjam, which are the unexamined stories, beliefs and patterns that may be directing your current choices.

This is part 2 of a story telling podcast to support you in clearing out any logs which may be interfering with your potential. If you’re currently reading Leaving Shore, you may want to look at the chart at the end of Chapter 3. 

The following story demonstrates the fourth pattern, or log, that I call “Self-Limiting”.

In her early forties, a young professional talked frequently with friends about the limits of her career choices at this stage of her life. She was unable to identify similar positions with equivalent salary which didn’t require her to move. Therefore she felt her only option was to continue working for the same organization until retirement. Whenever she talked about her career, she always emphasized the limited choices and the reasons she couldn’t make changes. “I am so done with this work. I am ready for a change, but I have great benefits and a phenomenal retirement, even though it’s 10 years away.”

While out for dinner one night with a group of friends, she was encouraged by one of them to look seriously at a job in a different field, which required the skills that were her strength. As other people at the table heard about it, they said “Why not give it a try? You really do have the experience this job requires.” Another friend said “I know someone who you could talk to, to see if this would work. Are you willing?” Two months later, she was happily working in a new job, enlivened by the new environment. It didn’t take long for her to realize that the limits she had created were largely in her own mind.

The final story is to clarify and illustrate the pattern of “Victim”. 

A young man in his thirties applied for a job he really wanted and felt qualified for. He was devastated when he wasn’t selected. One of the things he was told was that he didn’t have the necessary qualities and skills for the job. This experience became a foundational story and served as evidence to support the belief “I’m not good enough”. When similar life events and disappointments happened, they were compiled as further evidence to support this belief. Confident in the lens and perception of his 30 year-old-self, he carried this narrative, frozen in time, without ever examining it.

Now, ready to look at a few of his stories, a pattern became apparent. In each account, he was a victim and things had been “done to him.”  When he shared this story a couple of decades later, knowing a bit more about himself and the original requirements of that job, he recognized that indeed, he hadn’t been suited for that type of work. The manager had seen in him what he was unable to see in himself at that age. He knew now he’d probably been saved from personal embarrassment and the problems he would have created for himself and others. Currently, he is in a job he really enjoys, is well suited for, and he’s grateful to the manager he once resented. 

What might get in the way of me recognizing my patterns?

A pattern is a way we frequently interpret the world. It’s a reaction, not a response. It’s not uncommon to be surprised by something which has become such a fabric of our being. As adults, we all have within us a guardian that when it is wonky, or out of balance, it exaggerates risks, fears, and judgements in order to keep the status quo and run the show. The wonky guardian has a vault of cherished stories. It works to preserve a preschooler’s memory of being embarrassed, and allowing it to control adult choices. Our wonky guardian has a radar that is constantly scanning in order to keep us in our comfort zone and protect us from uncertainty and change. Once we’ve started identifying the logs which are getting in the way, that is, the patterns which are running automatically, the wonky guardian is less likely to be in control.

Can more than one pattern be present in the same story?

I have presented these stories as if the patterns are all very separate to make them easier to identify. Each title serves as a lens to view your reactions, like a handle that your mind can grab on to. As with everything in Live in Discovery, start with what peaks your interest. With time and practice, you may notice there is more than one pattern nested together, which can interfere with potential and possibility in your life. For instance, the victim pattern often contains past-oriented stories. I can’t/I won’t, is a reactive pattern in an effort to stay safe and often is combined with self-limiting beliefs.

So, what’s the big takeaway?

Hearing the stories and beginning to see the patterns which often interfere with your potential, you develop a radar for your wonky guardian. Once aware of reactive patterns, you are less controlled by the past, limiting beliefs, and exaggerated fears. Stepping beyond the automatic reactions, and making the choice to pause and respond thoughtfully, frees you to live a more inspired life, guided by curiosity, creativity, and compassion.