I’d like to talk to you today about your Internal Advisory Committee, which for the purposes of this blog, I will refer to as “your committee”. In case you didn’t know it, we all have one. So today, we will take a look at your committee to be sure it’s up to date. Often this means we’ll need to do a little mental house cleaning.

What is an Internal Advisory Committee?

In Leaving Shore, I define the Internal Advisory Committee as a group of individuals whose thoughts, words, actions, and lives affect your thinking. When choosing among options, trying new things, facing a challenge, or embarking on a new life direction, the mind automatically references these people. It is common when navigating choices and challenges for the mind to go to past experiences, stories, myths, or unexamined beliefs. This constellation of information is assembled to be justification for our excuses, the reasons for the excuses. It might be the memory of someone who said something critical, or a time when you tried something new and were unsuccessful in your attempt. (Notice, I did NOT say you failed.) The excuses consult our catalog of mental bruises or wounds that we have continued to foster and nurture, which helps keep the Go-To Excuse File active. 

Often, this compiled, historical information is connected to individual people that have influenced our lives in ways that have served to limit us. The voice of a parent, teacher, coach, person of authority, older sibling, or even a bully from school may echo in your mind with words of criticism you’ve never forgotten. Sometimes, these same individuals may be a person you loved, or loved you, but gave you information that is no longer current, or accurate. If any of these people are influencing your current decisions or views of yourself, they are members of your committee, and guess who else is an honorary member, your obnoxious roommate. So, once we’ve addressed our Go-To-Excuse File, we want to spend time reflecting and looking back at where these ideas come from. When we start to look at our committee, we are at a pivotal point of powerful change within ourselves.

One of my favorite examples is one that I used in my book Birthdays of the Soul. In her fifth decade a woman, who lived in an urban setting, shared her fears and intense anxiety about driving on freeways. Each time she got on the road she heard her mother’s fears and cautions about driving, which constantly directed her to go to extremes to avoid the dangers of freeways. As I questioned her about where these fears had originated, she revealed that her mother had never driven. It was a huge ah-ha to realize that half a century later, her deceased mother was directing her life with lots of erroneous information. Recognizing that driving was a metaphor, she began to examine the fears that were keeping her on the back roads of her own life.

How do I know who is on my Internal Advisory Committee?

I’m going to outline a process here that has a couple of steps. Remember, each of these steps is a private process. As you reflect, make lists, or write notes, know that this information is only for you. Envision your mind free of excess clutter, wads of confusion, things that haven’t seen the light of day in years. Now, switch gears and see a well organized, up-to-date, mind that only contains ideas which are congruent with the person you are now, and who you would like to become. I love working through this process with people and seeing the relief and the lightness of being that comes from living in the present. So, let’s get started.

When facing something new or something difficult, who do you hear, what do you hear? Write down the names of all the people in your life who influence your decisions, your risk taking, your willingness to be outside your comfort zone. This process might take you a couple of weeks to reflect on your memories that surface when you are faced with the unfamiliar. 

 Once you’ve identified who is on your committee, take a moment to write a statement reflecting something that you would like to do, learn or experience that is not within your comfort zone. Now, write a response you might expect from each person on your list when you share this idea with them. (Remember, this is what commonly happens to all of us when we are contemplating change outside our comfort zone. You aren’t hearing voices, rather your memory automatically consults a file of responses, criticisms, encouragement, when you are presented with new). Take note of those voices that would encourage you. 

Now, take time to reflect on the responses you might expect that would exaggerate risks, fears and dangers, stress the limits of your capabilities, remind you of unsuccessful attempts or use myths and sayings like, “Don’t get too big for your britches”. Often, all of these responses were an attempt to keep you safe or reinforce a world view you are now beginning to question. These are the people you then consider removing from your committee.

How do you remove people from your Internal Advisory Committee? 

We begin by taking time to look at ideas, myths, beliefs that have been communicated by people we appreciate or love. Once we reflect on them, we understand that although we love the person and deeply appreciate their contribution to our lives, listening to them when we are making a choice, facing a challenge, or choosing to take a risk, is no longer serving us. At this point, you may hear information from former generations that doesn’t fit the person you are now. You may hear the voice of someone who chastised you when you were eight. (It’s important to remember you are no longer eight!) You might even hear a generalization about yourself that keeps you frozen in time and limits your choices.

Let me be clear, you can love someone, appreciate them and what they’ve done for you, and make the decision that, at this time in your life, they no longer belong on your Internal Advisory Committee. It is important to identify people who would not be in support of you living an inspired life. It is possible to excuse them from the committee as you live in discovery AND you can continue to love and appreciate them. I have observed many individuals who have excused a person from their committee in a private process and watched as they experienced freedom from the limiting beliefs, while continuing an active loving relationship with that same person. It is freeing to be released from ideas that don’t serve your current life and know you have the power to choose the beliefs that encourage you on your journey. 

Let’s revisit the example of the woman who was afraid to drive on the freeways. I suggested that the woman thank her mother for all she had given her. In a spirit of love, she could then politely excuse her mother from the committee in her head. Should you decide to excuse someone from your committee who is currently in your life, they do not need to know, as this information is only for you. A young woman I worked with realized that her father, who she dearly loved, was not a person who could support her as she contemplated changing careers or took risks. Once she excused him from her committee, occasionally calling on his wisdom in certain specific situations, their relationship flourished. He was completely unaware of the entire process. 

How do you go about assembling an Internal Advisory Committee that supports you to live your inspired life?

Your committee may include members you know well, people who are curious, creative and compassionate. Individuals who are living a life you admire, and are currently navigating their daily lives in a way you’d like to emulate. You want three to five people who will encourage you, whose advice you value, individuals who believe in you and your capabilities. If you want someone on your list who is no longer alive to inspire you to live in discovery, you identify individuals who also lived in discovery. Sometimes it is necessary to excuse quite a few people from your original committee which means it may take time and require some reflection before you decide who might join you in your consciousness as you live your inspired life. 

Aware that you get to decide who you consult and listen to, you recognize that you are in charge of your own mind and its decision making process. Choices are made with current information and the wisdom and encouragement from people on your committee who are living, or who have lived an inspired life of discovery. It’s important to include individuals who grow and evolve throughout their lives, have a sense of humor, and aren’t afraid to do something differently, or even unconventional. 

It’s not uncommon in the early stages of this process when faced with change or the unfamiliar, for your mind to revert to old patterns and self-doubt. On the road, a once fearful, anxiety-ridden driver began making changes to her routes, emboldened by the clarity that her deceased mother, who she loved but who had never driven, could not define her current life. Each time you consult your revised committee as you make decisions, your mind is strengthened, and fortified to support you in living an inspired life.